I'm Done Just Being Myself

SCREAMING CHILDREN

A few nights ago, I was lying awake as I often do. When all the plates I'm spinning on any given day come to a halt, they hand over free reign of my mind to my internal thoughts. Unfortunately, my nighttime thoughts are usually more like energetic children begging for another bedtime story than loving companions stroking my hair as I doze off. But the thoughts demanding my attention this particular night felt as if they could lead some place I wanted to go, so I rubbed my eyes, sat up, and prepared to hear a bedtime story. 

Acne

Personal reflection is something every one of us would probably say is vital and profitable until we actually realize what that word reflection means: essentially, attempting to look at oneself the way one actually is, like a face in a mirror. This night, one particularly disturbing zit popped up clearly on the face of my personality. At first I didn't realize it was there because it was one of those that seemed to be concealed beneath the skin. But it was surfacing, and I knew I had to deal with it. 

So, let's deal with it. When I talk to people, I have a tendency to be obnoxious or say things jokingly that unintentionally hurt their feelings. Boom. There it is. I said it. It's true. I know about it; isn't that enough? 

No. 

Just Be Yourself...Or Don't 

Naturally, I started wondering about effective ways to change these tendencies. I thought about becoming more introverted. Yeah, I could be the silent type. If I was quiet, then I would have no opportunity to say something stupid or outright offensive. Then I thought, "Maybe I just need to associate more often with people who can take the remarks I dish out, so that I'm not trying to completely undo myself and start from scratch in the way I converse with others." I realized that these expressions extend from a part of my personality and, by default, a part of my identity.

Obviously, I shouldn't go trying to change something at the core of my personhood. After all, I need to be myself. Some people won't like me, fine. But most people love authenticity. Then, another thought occurred to me: no matter what the hipsters say, people don't love authenticity for the sake of authenticity. If I'm authentically a jerk, people won't even be able to stand being around me, much less like me. 

All of this was getting too scattered for me to handle, so I prayed, "Lord, how can I 'stay true to myself,' as goes the adage, without hurting people?" His response, as often His responses do, took me off guard. 

"When have I told you to 'stay true yourself?'" He asked. I thought about it for a moment...not a single time. My entire idea about staying true to myself had no grounding in God's Word. It was only something I had been told to do in books, or on television, or in songs, or even by authorities in my life. 

Don't get me wrong, God loves us the way we are, but He says nothing about leaving us the way we are. There is nothing biblical about the "just be yourself" mentality that we were all raised in. We should be ourselves, but we shouldn't just be ourselves. If all we think the Gospel is is a free pass on selfish and wrongful behavior, we have another thing coming. The Gospel doesn't say, "Come and be yourself." It says, "Come and die to yourself." 

I'm not called to just be myself; I'm called to be like Jesus. I'm called to be transformed through a mind-renewing process directly tied to my relationship with Christ. 

God loves me. Actually, God genuinely likes me. He made me, every part, even the currently obnoxious ones. But through relationship with Him there is an identity shift. I'm no longer the man I was, and while the expression of my Christlikeness will be different than the expression of your Christlikeness, it will NEVER be an excuse to hurt other people.  

Being Ourselves Like Jesus 

So, here it is: be yourself, but be the yourself the way that only YOU can be like Jesus. If there is a part of yourself that you are labeling "unique" that is actually just hurtful or sinful, it isn't like Jesus. There will always be enough of Jesus to fill the gaps in our identities left by old sinful traits and habits. 

The Church is filled with variety, and it SHOULD BE. God is infinite, and I can't imagine Him being satisfied with an earth full of cookie-cutter people. But because God is infinite, becoming like Him can be expressed individually in an infinite number of ways. There are billions of people throughout history, who can all look and be drastically different from each other while still looking and being like Jesus. That's an incredible thought to me. It's a comforting thought too. It's one of those thoughts I can sleep peacefully to...