Why Faithfulness in the Little Things is a Big Deal

We've all heard the classic words: "He who is faithful with little will be faithful with much." I cannot count the number of times that I was told to be a "good little boy" in my youth, so I could grow to be a successful adult. It was this mindset that caused me to view life as a staircase, with each step leading me to the "much" that I can be faithful with. I always wondered when it would be my turn to be faithful with much because the little things weren't satisfying my desire to prove just how faithful I could be. 

We can all agree that the abundance of our choices seem small, with a few exceptionally big decisions scattered throughout our time here like speckles on a Dalmatian puppy. It's easy to believe that these small rungs should gradually be replaced by bigger steps in each category of life: work, family, friendships, education, et cetera. We are programmed to "climb the ladder" from an early age. While it is certainly true that some life-altering decisions, such as whom to marry, when to have kids, and whether or not to take an available promotion will likely affect the ultimate outcomes of our lives more than the brand of coffee we drink in the mornings, it's not these decisions alone that comprise the essence of life. 

The danger of the "climb-the-ladder" mentality is that it sets us up to be stagnant, complacent, or even frustrated when we aren't being faced by decisions with greater ripple effects. We can easily develop a constant need to prove ourselves and be approved. The 9 to 5 can get boring. The student's desk and class lectures can grow unbearably dull. The nightly family dinner conversations can become overfamiliar and monotonous. We begin to view these daily routines and seemingly minor decisions as mere steppingstones to the next "much"-level challenge. 

Why is this dangerous? Because it devalues these little things in our eyes. The fact that something is small doesn’t make it unimportant. 

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I have often felt like the bulk of my life is a series of insignificant events, and it can cause me to live from big decision to big decision, instead of simply being content and focused on being the best I can be where I'm at. It short-circuits my daily effectiveness and can even foster arrogance and/or lethargy when approaching the day-to-day demands of life.

It's important to recognize two things: First - We are not too important for the small things. Second - The small things are too important to do half-heartedly. 

Think of it this way. If I could string together each and every small choice in life and create one huge patchwork quilt, representing just one decision, the importance of that one decision would probably far outweigh the importance of every big decision put together because the ratio of small decisions to big decisions is huge. Each and every day is important because (excuse the cliché) we truly don't know how many days we have. And a human life is one extraordinarily large "much" to be faithful with. 

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Faithfulness is not contingent upon the size of the object, but the character of the subject. It is a condition of the heart and mind. If I am a faithful person, I'll be as faithful in any size task because I won't view the size of my situation as the fulcrum upon which my character is resting. If I am a flaky person, I'll be just as flaky in my largest endeavors as I am in my smallest concerns because my very nature is one that lacks commitment and perseverance. 

A faithful person is a faithful person because he or she has prioritized faithfulness, not because a certain situation demands faithfulness more than another. If I allow a certain situation to demand a greater level of integrity than another, then I have forfeited control of my character to external circumstances, which is a terribly confining and destructive way to live. I and I alone have control over the kind of person I am, and if I allow the kind of person I am to change from decision to decision, then I will be unstable and unhappy. If I don't establish the kind of person I will be before I approach each and every decision, then the outcome of my decisions will establish my character for me. 

Of course, this is not to say that we should stretch ourselves thin, trying to do everything. We should prioritize where we spend our time and efforts. But we should do everything we choose to do with a good heart, a resolute mind, and a positive attitude. If we can't devote those attributes to whatever it is we are doing, the action should probably not be done.

3 Ways My Faith Has Changed in the Past Year

While reading a blog post from a much more accomplished writer than myself, I was inspired to take a shot at answering the question he issued at the end of the piece: "How has your faith changed in the last ten years?" Being the ripe old age of nineteen, I am going to edit the question a bit and answer this one instead: "How has your faith changed in the last year?" I feel this question is more appropriate and applicable to my current place in the progression of life. 

The nature of a question like this is so broad that it is practically impossible to answer in its fullness, considering the reasonable amount of characters allotted in a blog post and the likely brief amount of time I possess readers' attention. So, I am going to stick to three major things that have changed about my faith in the past year. These are not theological in nature as much as they are relational, which, as Don Miller points out in the aforementioned blog post, is how it should be. 

So, here we go.

1. I've stopped questioning whether or not I'm hearing God's voice all the time. 

Jesus spends the greater portion of John chapter 10 talking about the nature of His relationship with those who believe in Him. He is the Shepherd, and we are His sheep. In verse 27, He makes it clear, "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me." It's that simple. Half the time, I think we override the easily-identifiable, inner voice of our Good Shepherd with our constant bleating. Our fear of missing His voice is so loud and so constant in our minds that it drowns out His voice. 

A man I respect very much once told me that, while humans must resort to symbols, gestures, and sounds to communicate, our omnipotent God can bypass those limiting channels of communication and speak directly to our minds, indeed our hearts. The closer we grow to Him through the simple act of choosing to spend time with Him, the more we learn to recognize when those transcendent thoughts that pop into our heads are not flowing from our meager intellects, but the voice of our truly brilliant Creator, speaking in a way that is relatable and unique to each one of us. 

The more of the Scriptures I commit to memory, both concepts and word-for-word quotations, the easier it is to identify the kinds of things God speaks. When you know what someone's voice sounds like, you can embrace the content of what is being spoken without fear. I am not advocating a prayer-less life. I am, in fact, encouraging a constant flow of prayerful communication with the Lord. Don't believe the lie that we leave Him by our bedsides in the morning. He is with us, and He speaks to us. 

2. I quit doing "devotions." 

For this to make sense, one has to look at the definition for this often-misunderstood word. Devotion is defined as, "love, loyalty, or enthusiasm for a person, activity, or cause." This understanding of such a powerful word indicates that we cannot do devotion as much as we can live devoted. I realized that time with anyone I love is expected and understood to be an obvious part cultivating relationship. Things like scheduled "prayer time," Scripture reading, and internalizing wise biblical teaching are excellent and contribute to our growth in knowledge of God, which Colossians makes clear is vital to living "a life worthy of the Lord," but these acts in themselves are not the essence of devotion. Devotion is a state of being, not a mere act of doing. 

I wish I could quote the entire body of Scripture word-for-word, but even if I could, it would not mean my heart is truly devoted in complete loyalty to my Lord anymore than being able to quote every T.S. Eliot poem would mean I am Eliot's faithful manservant. I believe, true devotion reveals itself in what some would consider subtleties. Things like peaceful countenance, acts of obedience, high levels of patience, and, most evidently, the Fruit of the Spirit are the essence of devotion in human lives.

My devotion to God is as much about my love for His people as it is about my love for Him. It is imperative that I cherish His people as the treasures that they are and encourage them with the highest levels of enthusiasm I can muster. God cares about His sheep, and His love for me is just as infinite and baffling for the person sitting next to me right now. By acting with compassion and grace toward my fellowman, I am showing more devotion to God than I ever could by reading a fifteen-minute "devotional." By all means, read the books and learn and grow, but understand that devotion is found in the heart of a person, not the rituals of his or her mornings and evenings. This understanding has become foundational to my faith. 

3. I learned the difference between wanting to know God's plan and wanting to know God. 

This is one of the most important things I have learned thus far. For so long, I had my life plan etched into the recesses of my mind. I so desperately wanted to know what God thought of my plans, which got my asking about His plans, which made me think I could somehow reconcile the two. Now I understand that God's plans are His own to reveal if and when He chooses to do so. They WILL come to pass in spite of myself, and I can either get on board and ride the train smoothly or spend my life tied by the wrist to the caboose and running just to keep up. 

I have come to terms with the fact that I could lay my head to rest tonight in a completely different situation than I was in when I woke up this morning. And that's okay. In fact, it's much more interesting. I firmly believe we can make idols out of God's plan. He asks that we seek Him and simply follow as He lights up the path we are to take. If I were to already know the exact direction I should be walking in, why would His light be necessary? His purposeful concealment of big-picture, divine understanding from us is for our good. It is designed to lead us into a deeper relationship with this all-knowing Messiah we are walking with, and it keeps us reliant upon His peace that is much more satisfying to our souls than understanding. Not knowing exactly where I am headed keeps me from attempting to run ahead. Jesus is more interested in getting to know each other on the journey than He is in me simply getting to the destination. If I got to the destination without the molding process of the journey, I would not be a person worthy to enter the destination. 

We don't even have the mental capacity to process all of the infinite variables that God sees in His absolute sovereignty. But that's just it, if God is absolutely sovereign over all things, and we are held tightly in His grasp, why would we have anything in our hearts but absolute trust? It's more fun to trust God and get to know Him than it would be to know His plan for this earthly life. Besides, our ultimate goal is the same, right? We only have a handful of decades down here anyway. 



Faith evolves, and I am in the midst of constant, beautiful changes that lead me closer to the God I hope to someday love with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength in practice, not simply in theory. These are just a few of the ways I have observed these changes happening in my own life. In the spirit of this piece's inspiration, I will conclude with a question: How as your faith changed over the past (insert span of time here)? 



A special thanks goes out to Donald Miller and Scott Wilson, whose work and teaching have inspired the content of this article. 

Irrelevant Gifts and the God Who Gives Them

Heartbeats

I have so many ideas swimming around in this slightly disproportionate head of mine. I feel as if I have to write as much or more for my own release than for anyone else's enjoyment. While I most certainly hope that my writing has been encouraging to all of you, the readers, I feel as if my truest motivation for writing is simply the maintenance of my sanity. I hate to admit that I feel I'm being a bit selfish, but when God puts something in my heart, I just have to do it. There isn't a lot of space for figuring out the why's or the what's or the who's. God takes care of those things. For now, He says, "write," so here I am, writing.

Have you ever had a passion that burns so deeply inside of yourself, you can't quite pinpoint its origin? It seems to cover the whole of your being and just pulse here and there like an irregular heartbeat. That's where I am right now. I’ll be happily carrying on with my day when all of a sudden, a thumping starts going off in the lobes of my brain like a war drum. Bump bump. Bump bump. It’s not always an idea. Sometimes, it’s just sheer desire to pick up a pen or have a seat at my computer and just start writing down the thoughts I know are bound to flow every time I rip off the doors blocking the channels. It’s often that I arrive at a thesis after I have been writing for awhile because I’m actually learning the lesson I’m writing about at the very moment I am writing about it. Or at least I’m learning that I learned a lesson already that just needed to be put into words.

Do God’s gifts come with return receipts?

So, here is this place I’m in. I’m facing real situations every day I’m alive. Dissatisfied voices are demanding my attention and difficult things are being asked and required of me. I need a stable job. I need to sort out school bills. I need to be more involved in helping at home. I need to spend more time with God. I need to spend more time with my family and friends. I need to get some semblance of a plan, even a short-term plan, for accomplishing the things I know I’m on this earth to accomplish.

So, I’m seeking the job; I’m trying to figure out how to pay the bills. I’m doing more around the house, and I’m seeking God with all the heart and fervor I know how to muster. I’m spending more time with my siblings and friends, trying to simply tell them how much I love them way more often than I attempt to give them advice. That whole “short-term plan” thing is still nothing more than a seemingly-perpetual work in progress.

Doing all of these things well requires a set of skills and some knowledge that I am pretty sure I don’t have. So, I pray. I pray, “God, show me what you want me to do. Show me how I can get better at this or that. Please open up the door for the right job, as I am actively seeking one. Help me be a better brother, son, and friend. Please give me some small idea of what Your plan is for my foggy future, even if it’s just an idea of what I should be doing today…five minutes from now…at this very moment.”

How does He respond? He hands me a pen and a blank sheet of paper. That’s it. I have no idea what in the blazes I’m supposed to do with a pen and a blank sheet of paper. Can a pen get me a job offer? Can this paper help me put broken pieces in a family back together? Do either one of these inanimate objects magically transform into gold I can use to pay bills? Or perhaps, I’m not actually supposed to use them! Maybe, some angelic oracle will appear any second and impart a supernatural word of wisdom about the content of my daunting future! No? Okay, fine. What?! And then…

Office supplies at the dinner table

Then, I get it—not all of it, mind you. But I understand something. Sometimes, we ask God for specific things—knowledge, assistance, skills or talents that seem vital to dealing with certain situations, and sometimes He gives them. Other times He doesn’t. It is often the case that He gives us gifts, tools, and character traits that we would never have expected or even thought to ask for. They don’t always seem appropriate. It can feel like He is playing a cruel trick. “God, You said that if I asked you for bread, you wouldn’t give me a stone!” But He doesn’t give you a stone. He gives you a stapler, and now it’s your job to figure out why the Good Father would give you a stapler instead of the logical, comfortable, sustaining piece of bread you asked for.  

Why is it that God’s methods of imparting grace can seem so irrelevant? Does He give “useless gifts?” Is there any purpose in carrying a stapler into a food fight? You can’t see how these “gifts” apply to your situation. Here’s my thought: maybe they don’t. Maybe, God doesn’t even see your situation as an individual entity, threatening to cave on you at any moment. Maybe these insufferable moments of life look too small to God to even qualify as “a giant that needs to be slain.” Perhaps it looks more like a pesky traffic jam that He knows will be over as soon as you get to your next exit. Pardon my melting pot of metaphors, but I am trying to drive home this point: God doesn’t always give you what you ask for; He gives you what He knows you need. He is busy preparing you for the much more complete, macroscopic picture.

Why am I writing when I feel like I should be actively doing anything else to change my current situation? Because God has sewn it into my very DNA. Because it feels almost involuntary, it is so natural. Because it is the stapler He handed me when I asked for a slice of bread. Because, according to Him, it isn’t time to be doing these other things, and I’m not currently equipped by Him to do anything else. Because even when His gifts feel irrelevant, they still qualify as a few of the endless good gifts that come from His perfectly good heart. So, I’ll write until He tells me to do something else. I’ll keep my ears open until I hear from Him about what my next move is. I’ll keep my head up, my eyes on Him, my pen to the page, and my stapler at the ready as I charge full-force into a food fight.

Adult Children and Personal Responsibility

Prelude to a Fist Fight

For my first two semesters at university, I took 15 hours a semester—a manageable load that didn’t cause much stress. Taking what many consider to be the ideal amount of college hours left me with plenty of time to get all my homework done, cultivate new relationships, spend my free time reading, writing, and making music, and yes, get slapped in the face by more life lessons than I thought possible in such a short span of time. Whether these lessons were relational, personal, spiritual, or physical, there were plenty of them to keep all aspects of my being busy and keep my mental wheels turning. I learned a great deal from my professors, but there were many days where I learned more after class than I did during class.

           

Many of those lessons were difficult, and my pride took several well-deserved blows. Of course, this is how it should be. That’s what going to college is all about—changing, evolving, finding out who we really are when the familiarity and protection of home is no longer available to us. We discover what kind of people we are when our parents aren’t constantly staring over our shoulders and walking us through life’s struggles step by step. We learn about personal character strengths and flaws, and we make pivotal decisions about the habits we develop (many of which we will continue in for the rest of our lives).

So, I was very much the typical college student with typical college student challenges—number one being CHANGE. Change, change, and more change. Though it required much of me, I was made a better man by the end of semester number one and an even better one (though still a vast infinity away from where I wanted to be) by the end of number two. I walked into the beginning of a summer that had already promised me a great deal of opportunity, confident in my new-found knowledge and personal improvements. I looked to the future, expectant and enormously excited for what lied ahead.

Things started off well, fulfilling and even exceeding most of my wishes. Then out of nowhere, the summer that followed proceeded to body-slam my idea of what summer would be, right before dismembering it completely (taking a few bloody pieces of my heart with it in the process). Reality has a pretty brutal left-hook.

           

Semester Number 3

Seeing the dust settle after a season of one unanticipated blow to the heart after another has left me with some perspective in addition to a fair amount of bruises and uncertainty. One of my realizations was that I never really left school. I may not be sitting in a classroom every morning, but coming home has felt more like entering semester number three than entering a relaxing vacation. One more season of lesson after lesson…change after change. But this is where the lesson that is affecting me the most at this juncture in life enters the picture.

           

When the external, unpredictable circumstances of life begin to look more like terrifying monsters than perfectly wrapped packages, you can be sure of one thing—you exist. This is normal! To quote one of my favorite movies of all time, all we can really do is “prepare to be surprised.” There is not one moment we live that we can be truly, 100% prepared for. Because as much as we may fancy ourselves in control, we actually hold very little, if any control over the events of the future. And we hold absolutely zero control over the choices of others. The only thing I have true and complete control over is my attitude; the only person I have control over is myself. It’s that simple.

It is a fact: frustrating situations, ill-spoken words, and unhealthy relationships will attempt to draw uncalculated, unfiltered reactions out of me. But they cannot cause me to truly think, speak, or act a certain way. I and ONLY I choose my response to each and every instigative action. The difference between responding and reacting is usually a split-second’s worth of second thought. As humans, our default settings are to make a mad scramble for utter control over our lives. But this is the principle I am learning: in the end, the only level of control I have is over the internal and the eternal, not the external.

Sadly, many of us become so consumed with focusing on what we can’t control that we lose sight of the important things, like figuring out how we can utilize the unexpected disappointments of life to shape us into better people. We mope like children, fighting over a toy that we don't even know how to play with. When we realize that we actually have the power to manipulate the things that are attempting to manipulate us, we can choose to brace ourselves for a refining fire in stead of sitting back and letting everything we are be completely burned away. To say something like, “I have no control over the way this is going, so I might as well sit on my hands” is ludicrous. You may not have any control over the way other people are treating you or the hand life is dealing you, but you have complete control over the person you are and the person you are allowing yourself to become. The world cannot strip you of your identity unless you allow it to. It cannot add or subtract from the person you are. It will try, but only you have the power to allow your circumstances to steal pieces of you or add destructive qualities to you. 

Making it Practical: Control Freak, Or Just Controlling and Freaky?

            An exercise I have been doing lately to assist me in remembering and applying this important concept is taking purposeful control of what are normally involuntary actions. I’ll blink my eyes a few times on purpose or take a moment to breathe and just listen to my heartbeat. These little reminders help me remember that I can choose to let my personal development remain involuntary and reactive in nature, or I can choose to be intentional and focus on the person I want to be, regardless of the externals. It requires more thought, patience, and maturity, but it makes all the difference. By flinching at everything that attempts to scare me or speaking harshly to everyone who would instigate a fight, I am handing over control of my destiny to the very situations and people whom I wish would leave me alone. But if I am marked by patience and perseverance and grow in wisdom that speaks for itself, then the man I am as I step into my destiny is a man carrying much less personal baggage.

           

Constantly remind yourself that you are only in control of yourself. It will take loads of pressure off, especially if you have been trying bear responsibilities and burdens that are not meant for you. Don’t allow the world or the people in it to make you bitter. Choose forgiveness. Choose peace. Choose joy. Choose LOVE. These are the things you will carry with you into eternity. This is not easy, but growing up rarely is. And I think it’s high time we all took a little more responsibility for the kind of people we are and stopped blaming our character on others.

“You can give a pig a pancake,” but only that pig can choose to say thank you for it or just complain about not having enough syrup to go with it. You can give a person an opportunity to grow, but only he or she can choose to respond and change or react and blame. 

Healthy Relationships: 10 things I would want my little brother to know

1.    You either trust her, or you don’t.

Jealousy is not an option. Trust is vital in a healthy relationship. You SHOULD be able to be apart for extended periods of time without knowing exactly where she is or what she’s doing. If you don’t trust her, end the relationship, learn about yourself, and don’t start dating until you’re secure in who you are without her. It’s the only way you will ever be secure in who you are with her.

2.    If you have an issue, man up and talk to her.

The silent treatment is immature and unfair. If you want to play games, then go back to middle school. Except, you can’t because that’s illegal and creepy. So, grow up and learn to communicate.

3.    When addressing a problem, remember that you still love this person.

Huzzah! You’ve learned to be mature and talk about your problems, but this also takes skill and finesse. Be gentle because the words you say and the way you say them will have a lasting effect.

4.    Never use something she is completely ignorant about against her. Period.

It is highly unlikely she meant to hurt you when she did or said that “one thing” that frustrated you. If it is eating at you, talk about it. But be understanding and prepared to either: forgive and let it go after she makes an apology or forgive and let it go anyway when she doesn’t feel obligated to apologize. This leads me to my next one…

5.    Some things just aren’t a big deal.

It has actually been scientifically proven that the world doesn’t revolve around your every whim and desire. Understand that everything she does that hurts or frustrates you doesn’t necessarily mean she is wrong or that she should apologize. Sometimes, we have to be willing to accept certain things for the sake of peace. She’s worth it.

6.    Go above and beyond giving her the benefit of the doubt!

Always, always, always assume the best about her. Because, to you, she IS the best, right?

7.    Respect her (this one requires bullet points).

·      Respect her thoughts and opinions (even when they differ from yours) because they are every bit as valid and valuable as yours.

·      Respect her enough to draw up proper boundaries for her (and your) protection (see number 8).

·      Respect her moral convictions, even when they are more or less “conservative” than yours, especially then.

·      Respect her time. She does not owe you all of it, and she should not be spending all of it with you.

·      Respect her family and friends. She has a right, a desire, and a desperate need to have loving, close relationships with others besides you. Treat those people with respect. If she loves them, you should learn to love them too.

8.    Let’s talk boundaries (another bullet point-er).

·      Boundaries can and should be: emotional, physical, spiritual, and mental.

·      You are not entitled to know everything about her past. You are not entitled to demand a place in or your idea of her future. Her knowledge of her past and her ideas of her future are GIFTS, and she has the choice to let you be apart of them if and when she deems the time is right.

·      There are plenty of valuable writings (including Scripture) about physical boundaries. But remember: if she is not worth your patience to you, then you do NOT truly love her. Period. Break up, and save yourself the heartache.

·      You are not entitled to know everything she is feeling all the time, and you are not equipped to adequately help her work through everything. She needs God and trusted mentors to help her process her emotions. You are not her counselor.

·      Until you are married, you are not the head of her household or responsible for her spiritual vitality. She, her earthly father, and her Heavenly Father are privileged to have that responsibility. You can be an encourager, and you should always be setting a godly example (to everyone), but you cannot assume responsibility for her relationship with God. Because then it’s really just a relationship with you.

9.    NO COMPROMISES!!!

Do not compromise your own convictions when hers allow for things that yours don’t. Hear me: you have the responsibility of protecting her heart AND your own. She will appreciate you for the righteous and moral stands you take. If and when you are married, she will appreciate receiving a heart of conviction that is unbroken and strong. It won’t be that way if you allowed someone (even her) to break or weaken it. Remember that you deserve the same respect you are giving her. Respect her and yourself enough to draw lines and say NO (see number 8 again, and again, and again).

10. Be a man, not a coward. 

Never ask cowardly questions like, “how far is too far?” or “are we going to keep going?” Know your convictions and stick to them. If you know in your own heart that what you’re doing is wrong or that it has potential to get to that point, don’t be a coward and attempt to alleviate your guilt by asking her if it’s “okay” with her. Put a stop to it. In this case (and in few others, so don’t get crazy), it’s okay to “tell her how it’s gonna be.” Speak the truth in love, but be firm.

She wants to make you happy because she loves you, but she also wants to remain pure and true to her convictions. Only a coward and an ignorant boy would put her in a place where she has to choose between the two. And hear me: if you have already compromised and gone too far, then there is still redemption, healing, and hope for both of you. You have the opportunity to be the man of God you should be and make a change. Talk to your mentors, admit to what has been done, repent to her and to God, and set out on the path to healing.

Conclusion  

Brother, please don’t wait. Learn these things and apply them. You and your future wife will be thankful that you did. You aren’t alone. You have strength and a Counselor who knows you better than you know yourself—listen and trust Him. You have strong, wise men around you, just waiting for you to ask for help. They are ready and willing to take a stand with you. Use the God-given resources all around you (especially prayer) to become the “man in love” He intended you to be. Then, you will know how to cherish and protect the heart of the woman you love.

Side note: I used that photo again because I just really love it. That is all.